Wednesday, April 23, 2014


in one of the early seasons of Bones, she told Booth a story about how she asked her Secret Santa for a Smurfette figurine and they got her Brainy Smurf instead and it made her sad

and then at the end of the episode he got her a little smurf and she was really excited until she realized it was fucking Brainy Smurf again

and she was like “I wanted Smurfette!”

and he gave her some lecture so she could learn a valuable lesson about I forget what


I want Smurfette. 


I feel like writing a long text post about Disability and Gender and what I want to look like and what I can look like and what I Actually would want to look like in a world where people don’t constantly de-gender and desexualize and infantalize disabled women

about skirts and physical therapy and pretending and trauma and the panic attack I had yesterday because I actually really like this one pair of summer pants?

if I could I would grow my hair out I would shave my legs I would wear  cute skirts always and floral-print tights and dangly earrings and cute blouses

if I really could I would wear cute pants and cute blouses and sometimes cute skirts I would keep my hair in a pixie cut and shower more often and probably shave in the summer just so I don’t have to worry about my legs?

about the boys who make passes at girls who don’t pass, and the incredulous, beat, thoughtful “you’re not a GIRL, you’re like…. a robot,” incredulous, beat, thoughtful. 

and the things they tell disabled girls to make us presentable and my uncle who laughed “she’ll order the spaghetti” and the boy who held me and promised he’d love me even when I was broken and how even two months ago I couldn’t eat my dinner in front of a man I didn’t know.

but It’s late and I have an essay to write so I can’t do a long essay on disability and gender today. maybe another time. 

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

leahsfiction asked: okay you know the 'meda goes to college'... fandom tv show metaphor... it has a great writing team okay


this is

the highest compliment

Then she told me to fail lab

not precisely, she just said ‘you clearly cannot accomplish a chemistry lab course right now and maybe we will have to deal with that later, but for now, focus on catching up/remaining caught up in your other classes, just act as if the lab stuff doesn’t exist, because you are totally capable of all the other stuff and your goal is to go to medical school, so your immediate goal to get good grades in as many credits as you can”

and everything just kind of… smoothed out

i mean, there is something about chemistry lab that just wrecks my brain and i don’t know why, and maybe i’ll fail or take an incomplete or get the requirement waived or altered somehow, but like, holy shit

I am NOT a bad person I guess

This morning I told my therapist all my School Problems and she thought for a second and was like “OK, I’m just going to do the executive functioning for you now — is that okay?” and internally i was like i don’t think u understand that a chorus of angels just started singing

"ok i’m just going to executive function for you" is The Dream

god bless the neighbors who pay me way too much for catsitting

i envy people who have relationships to images/symbols/words that aren’t clogged by a decade of OCD associations.

babies are like a whole different species. i can’t stop staring at those gifs.

We need better systems for organizing exchanges like “Hey, I’m usually good at washing dishes and I heard you like cooking, by our powers combined ADLs!!!”


there needs to be like… some kind of disabled craigslist specifically for exchanging those kinds of tasks